Kafeteria Kombat
by Spider-2099
Summary: What you get when you put Mortal Kombatants in a School like Cafeteria...


Raiden put down today's issue of the Ledger he had been reading onto the table in front of him. There was a lound thunder clap outside, followed by a bolt of lightning striking down right in front of Raiden, who was inside a large, empty school cafeteria. "About time." He thought.

They appeared as ghostly images of an old man, and a woman.

"I just had that roof fixed." Raiden said.

"Here's the whistle." The man god said, holding out his hand. In it was an ordinary looking whistle.

Raiden eagerly took it with a warm smile. "Thanks." As if that was their cue to leave, the gods simply vanished. Raiden looked at the whistle, still sporting a bright smile. He licked his lips, took in a deep breath and blew. What echoed throughout Outworld, Earth, and Edenia sounded like a whistle the size of a Hummer H2 had just been blown by one of the Elder gods. All of the chosen ones knew what this meant, and instantly stopped doing what they were doing and ran to their nearest portal to the Outworld Cafe.

Raiden looked up, in a enormous, deep voice shouted "Lunch time!!"

Seemingly at that instant, Shang Tsung entered. Followed by Shao Kahn, Baraka, Reptile, Noob Saibot, Mileena, Shinnok, and Quan Chi.

"Its about time, dammit, I'm starving!!" Reptile bellowed, skipping Baraka and Noob.

Shao Kahn took off his skull helmet, held at his side, smiling. He walked next to Shang Tsung. "Todat isn't Shepard's Pie is it?"

Tsung thought for a moment, then shook his head. "No. Its the all you can eat speacial. Don't you know? Its Friday."

Kahn blew out a breath. "Whew! Thank god- -I mean, uh, thank Raiden." He said, giving the god of Thunder a thumbs up.

Everyone went through the line, often startled by the sound of Reptile's bones breaking and cracking, and his screaming from his skipping the other hungry fighters. Shao Kahn was first in line, and he'd already gotten his food: Two large hambrugers, an entire basket of fries, two hotdogs, and four milks. But, at the register, he forgot his ID number. The god servant sitting at the register was swiftly losing his patience for the emperor. As were the others.

"Uh...let's see, uh...456378? No. 456783? No. Dammit. Uh, 4568- -

"Look man." The servant interrupted. "Just go sit down. People are getting pissed."

"Huh? Oh, they're not mad. That's prepostorous!" Kahn said.

"Hurry the fuck up!!" Mileena shouted behind Noob.

"Yeah!! What she said!!" Baraka added.

"I'm about to shove that helmet up your fat emperor ass if you don't go." Shang Tsung said to him.

"Okay, okay!" Shao picked up his tray and proceeded to a table.

All of the "evil' fighters had sat down except for Reptile, who had been pushed and beaten to the back of the line, and was putting in his ID number. He sat next to Noob and across from Baraka.

"You got some nerve." Baraka spat.

"We must hurry." Noob said to the two of them. "The 'good guys' will be coming in--"

Noob was cut off by the door swigning open with a crash. Kung Lao entered, walking as if he all the time in all the realms. He was shoved aside by Sub-Zero, who was sprinting towards the front.

"Calm, down human! The food's still there!" Quan Chi called from his table. Shang Tsung and Shao Kahn laughed at his comment.

Kung Lao slowed his walking pace up when Jax ran inside, followed by Johnny Cage, Sonya Blade, Kitana, and Jade. They usualy meet in a group and walk through the line together. They saw this as their chance to gossip together. They were caught off gaurd by the door swigning open again. The entire group of 'evil' already sitting all let out a loud groan at the same time when the saw the man with a black dragon tatoo on the side of his face step in.

"Good afternoon, Good afternoon!" Taven called gleefully,

"Hey, Taven." Jax said, trying to ignore the fact that Taven skipped him.

"Greetings." He replied calmly.

"Hey, Taven." Johhny Cage said, also skipping Jax. "You alone?"

"Huh? Oh, no." Taven pointed back over to the door. Cage turned to see Daegon, Drahmin, Stryker, and even his father Argus entering.

"Oh." Cage said.

Almost all of the 'Good Guys' were finished getting their food, but Jax was the first, as he got tired of everyone skipping him. Taven left Cage behind, and he ended being last in line.

"That's just wrong, Tavenl!!" Cage called.

Taven sat at the table furthest to the front. It was the 'Good Guy' cool-people table. Also sitting there was Kitana, Kung Lao, Sonya, Jade, Jax, Stryker, and Argus. The rest were at the second table, spread out. Raiden also faniced sitting at the cool-table.

"Dammit." Kitana muttered. "I picked up an expired milk. It officially became sour in...1992..."

Jax laughed. "Damn thats the year our first game came out...well, you can't go up and get another."

"But that dosen't mean she's completely milk-less." Taven said. "Observe." He got up and walked over to the 'evil' cool-people table. There sat Shao Kahn, Shinnok, Quan Chi, Shang Tsung, Rain, and Mileena. Taven sat next to Shinnok, across from Mileena.

"Uh, this is the bad-guy table!" Shao Kahn called like an eight-year old.

"Son of Argus, you're out of area." Shinnok said to Edenia's protector.

Taven acted like he was looking over Mileena's head. "Jeez, what the hell is Baraka doing over there!?!" He said.

As he had hoped, Mileena spun around to see what he was talking about. Taven quickly sat up and snatched her milk off her tray. Shinnok and Quan Chi laughed at this.

"What a sucker." Taven laughed to himself.

Taven sat back down in his seat, tosssing the milk into Kitana's hands. "There ya go." He said, noticing how Jax was eyeing his spicy chicken sandwich.

"Y--You gonna eat that?" Jax asked quietly.

Taven looked at him. "What?"

"Well...its just that it looks so good...I mean, the ketchup sliding off of it and all..." Jax trailed off.

Taven blinked. "Nuh-uh. You've already had three hamburgers. Do not be a pig." They were got off gaurd by a burst of laughs from Shinnok, Quan Chi, and Shang Tsung, who were laughing at Mileena when she noticed her milk was gone.

Kitana giggled. "You took Mileena's milk?"

"Do you really think I should've chosen some one else?"

Kitana thought for a moment. "No."

"I would've if Tanya was here." Jade said.

Taven chuckled and looked down at his tray, only to notice his sandwhich was gone.

"Gasp! Jax!" He said, nudging the Speacial Forces Major in his side.

Jax turned around. "What? I didn't do it." He said innocently. Taven then noticed Kitana and Kung Lao were laughing at him. "What?" Taven looked over at the only Thunder god at the table. "Raiden!?!"

Raiden glanced at Taven, whipping the ketchup off his face. "What is it, son of Argus?"

Taven glared. "You food-thief. I should sue."

"Sue a god?" Kitana said.

Taven stared at her for a moment. "Hmm. Good point. I should tell the Elders not to let you sit with us. Yes! That's it!"

Raiden frowned. "My apologies, Taven. Let me make it up to you." Raiden snatched a pie off of Daegon's tray.

"Hey what the hell!?!" Daegon shouted. Raiden threw the pie that smacked Taven's face with eye blruing speed. Daised, Taven fell out of his seat. Everyone laughed.

After almost a minute on the floor, Taven got up. Everyone kept laughing. Even the 'evil' side was laughing their 'evil' asses off. The blueberry pie slid off Taven's face. He licked all around his mouth. "Blueberry. How...tasty..." He said under his breath.

Raiden did his best to regain his composure. He had tears sliding from his glowing eyes. "I- -I am sorry. It seems that my hand had slipped..."

Taven grabbed Sub-Zero's hot fudge sunday. "You will give that back, son of Argus!" He shouted. "Or suffer the wrath of the Lin Kuei!"

"The Lin what?" Taven laughed. He glanced at Raiden. "Hope you like hot fudge."

Raiden thought. "Well, it'd be better if it was actually hot. Well, not really, scald your mouth hot but --" He was cut off by the sunday landing right in his face. The laughing started again. This time, louder. Raiden frantically wiped the dessert off of his face. To everyone's surprise, he was laughing. "You will pay for that."

With those words, Taven stood on top of his table, picked up another of Daegon's pies and shouted "FOOD FIGHT!!!"

What followed was chaos. With food. Ice cream and pies constantly flew through the air. Taven had already pied the entire evil side one by one. Johhny Cage splattered a plate of spaghetti all in Rain's face. Kitana poured the ice box down Mileena's shirt and underwear. Raiden hit Shinnok in the face with two pies at once. Taven slammed Shao Kahn's face flat into a huge cake. Noob and Baraka held down Reptile and shoved whatever they could fine down his throat. Jax stuck two breadsticks up Kung Lao's nostrils. Jade poured a huge bowl of fruit punch all on Quan Chi. The madness went on for at least ten more minutes...

"This shall not happen again." One of the Elder Gods said.

Raiden frowned. His face was smashed with cake, he had punch stains all over his robe, and he also has ice cream on the top of his hat. "My apologies. I...got carried away."

With that the Elder Gods vanished. Taven walked up to Raiden. The shirt of his armor was missing and he had ice cream and cake splattered all over him. His pants were also drenched in fruit punch. "So, uh...no more Lunch time, eh?" He said.

Raiden grinned. "No. It is still on...but we cannot participate in this...'Kafeteria Kombat' again...for now"

"Dammit." Taven muttered. "Those gods really need to look into something called a sense of humor."

"Tell me about it." Raiden said, whipping his hat off with a towel.

Meanwhile, Shao Kahn and the evil side started heading out. Shao was covered in ice cream and had clumps of cake in his ears. One on the spikes on his helmet had a piece of cake stuck to it. Kahn was laughing and stumbiling like he was drunk.

"Ha ha! I had a great time, Raiden. We should really do this again, soon. Well, I have to get going. Everyone needs a shower and I think Mileena is getting frostbite in her private area, so...see ya."

"You can count on it." Raiden said.

"Uh, Raiden." Taven said. "The Elders will, like, kill us if we do this again."

Raiden grinned. "I still have the whistle. They cannot stop us as long as I have the whistle."

Taven stared at him for a moment, then grinned. "Clever. Very clever indeed."

Taven walked next to Jax, Kitana, Johnny Cage, Sonya, Jade, and Kung Lao. All of them were covered in food or punch except for Sonya, who apparently hid under a table for most of the ordeal.

"I can't belive you chickened out." Johhny Cage laughed.

"What's the matter, Sonya?" Taven said. "You don't want to screw up your perm?" Sonya elbowed him in the ribs. Johnny and Jax laughed.

Kitana picked small bits of patato chips out of her hair. "God, my outfit and hair is ruined. At least I got Mileena good."

Taven laughed. "Ha ha! Kahn said she was getting frostbite on her --"

"Hey, hey! Gross!" Johnny Cage interrupted.

Jax shivered, like he someone just dumped ice down his shirt too. "That's distgusting."

"Tell me about it." Taven laughed. "I feel bad for that Tarkatan Baraka next time they- -"

"Can we please get off this subject!?" Kitana blurted out. "We have a lot of things to talk about that are better on my stomach than Mileena's sex life."

"True." Cage said. "I know one: Did you see how fast Raiden threw that pie in Taven's face!?!" Everyone (except Taven of course) laughed.

"Oh, dear lord--I mean, father." Taven mummbled.

"I couldn't stop laughing at Quan Chi when I nailed him with the punch." Jade laughed. "To bad he freaked out with it."

"Yeah." Jax said uneasily. "Thanks to that, everyone got spayed with that crap."

"Yeah, but it was still funny."

"True."

"Hey, if the whistle's ever blown you guys gotta come get me next time!" Taven called.

"Donn't worry about it man!" Cage called back. "We got you covered!" With that, Taven nodded, turned around and entered the portal to Edenia. Taven vanished.

"It ain't a party without him." Cage said. "He's gotta be at the next Lunch time, if we want it to be fun."

"Yeah." Jax said. "And if we want to see Raiden school him again." Cage laughed.

_The End_


End file.
